I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize