I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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