morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
