As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
tell me about the eggs
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