Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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