He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
