Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
