He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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