Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize