So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
