my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
my liver is dry heaving
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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