Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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