if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
