Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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