when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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