i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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