you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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