This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this boner is exhausting
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
