Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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