can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize