I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
