You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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