I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
