i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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