whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize
