It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize