I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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