I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
