Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
