I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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