So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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