i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
