chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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