we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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