Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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