I cannot find my penis.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
