I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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