Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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