you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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