Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
