just come out here and I will go home with you...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize