i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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