I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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