It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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