i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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