Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
