I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
