i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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