she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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