Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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