Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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