Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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