Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
