I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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