just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
