It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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