k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
