Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was like eating out sand paper
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
