I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
