Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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