I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
